


We'll Get Through This

by Writinginstardust



Category: The Illuminae Files - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Ella does not have time for anyone's flirting, Ezra being an awkward dork, Ezra crying over the reader, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Kady gets emotional, Kady is the ultimate shipper, Kissing, Love Confessions, Nik being a little shit like always, Read at Your Own Risk, So Much Grief, and matchmaker, chapter 1 is just nice fluff, chapter 2 is very sad, character injuries, i regret everything and nothing, it's cute and they're nerds okay, reader and her friend are super badass, reader is oblivious to his feelings, so much crying, very emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 16:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15538050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writinginstardust/pseuds/Writinginstardust
Summary: With the attack on Bei-Tech immanent Ezra decides to finally tell (Y/N) how he feels.





	1. Chapter 1

The hanger was chaotic to say the least. Pilots and stand-in mechanics were rushing about all over the place in preparation for their final stand and the noise had been steadily rising for the last 10 minutes as the time to launch crept ever closer. (Y/N) stood in a corner by the Chimera she’d claimed as her own, trying to have a few last moments of calm before she had to go. Before she had to fly out into the dark vacuum of space and try not to die.

She looked across the hanger to where her gunner was saying an emotional goodbye to her boyfriend and hoped that goodbye wouldn’t be their last. Michelle was just a year younger than her, the daughter of a Heimdall engineer who hadn’t made it off the station. She was one of the strongest people (Y/N) had met and her desire for vengeance had led to her becoming one of their best shooters. She was the only one (Y/N) wanted with her out there.

“(Y/N)!” her name being shouted over the noise of the hanger drew her attention away from the emotional scene. She turned to see Ezra, their wing leader, striding towards her. She smiled as she caught sight of him, the tall gorgeous boy looking like an action hero in his flight suit as he walked with a maturity and determination she’d never seen in someone so young. The sight did some funny things to her insides and she had to mentally berate herself for thinking about him like that. Kady was one of her closest friends and exes are strictly off-limits. It’s basic girl-code.

“Hey Ez,” she smiled up at him when he stopped in front of her, “any word on when we’re heading out?”

“Not yet, Kades is gonna radio when we’re nearing a safe velocity. That’s not why I came over though.”

“Okay, what can I do for you then?”

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I’ve been trying for weeks now but I can never manage it, but I mean, it’s kinda now or never. Who knows what’s gonna happen out there?” he paused to collect his thoughts, all nervousness now, and ran a hand through his hair. She smiled up at him and squeezed his shoulder to reassure him. She was confused by his change in demeaner but didn’t want to put any pressure on him to tell her before he was ready to. Eventually he was ready to continue.

“Look, I don’t know exactly how to say this, I just know I need to. And it’s fine if you don’t feel the same or you want to pretend this never happened, but I can’t go out there without saying anything, not knowing will kill me faster than anything Bei-Tech could throw at us.” Her heart was hammering in her chest at what she thought he might be trying to say but her brain was telling her not to get her hopes up. The war of wills inside her was making her confused and it must have shown on her face when he paused again.

“Shit, I’m really messing this up, aren’t I? This doesn’t usually happen, fuck I’m such an idiot.” He roughly ran both hands through his hair as he paced a few steps.

“Ez, you know you can tell me anything, I won’t judge. What are you trying to say?”

He looked at her intently before answering.

“Do you think I could show you?”

She nodded. He returned to her in three long strides. One hand reached up to cup her face while the other gripped her waist as he pulled her against his toned body and bent his head down to press a firm kiss to her lips. She tensed for a moment, surprised by his actions, before she melted into the kiss, reaching up to grab fistfuls of his flight suit to keep him as close to her as possible.

The two broke away, both breathing heavily as twin smiles spread across their faces, the realisation that the other felt the same slowly sinking in.

“Well at least now if I die I won’t have to die without knowing what that was like.” (Y/N) breathed out a laugh as she rested her forehead against his. His grip at her waist tightened and he frowned at her words.

“You’re not gonna die (Y/N), I won’t allow it.”

“Then you’re not allowed to either, deal?”

“Deal.” He tilted his head to give her another quick kiss before she pulled away as her mind caught up with her.

“Shit. What am I meant to tell Kady!?” Her eyes widened as she thought about what her friend would think, “this is so against girl-code, fuck, I’m such a bad friend!”

“(Y/N) relax,” Ezra tried to calm her, “Kady knows how I feel about you, we’ve actually got her to thank for this. She threatened to throw me out of an airlock if I didn’t tell you.”

“I’ll have to remember to thank her when all this is over.”

“Thank me now!” They could just make out the shout down the radio in the Chimera beside them and both broke out into laughter. Of course, Kady had found a way to listen or watch.

“Thanks, Kades! You’re the best!” (Y/N) yelled back at her.

“You’re welcome! Now you two lovebirds need to get ready and find your gunners. You can continue your canoodling when you get back.”

“Copy that Kades, I’ll get everyone ready to standby.” With that Kady went back to her duties up on the bridge and left them to it. Ezra grabbed a radio and told everyone to ready their fighters and standby for further orders before turning back to the girl in front of him. The chaos of the hanger became purposeful around them as everyone finished preparing.

“Well I guess this is it then,” (Y/N) said as nerves started flooding through her system, “um, fly safe and don’t die for me yeah?” she smiled weakly at him and moved to go extract Michelle from her boyfriend’s arms. Ezra grabbed her wrist and stopped her progress before she got far.

“Hey, we’re both gonna make it back, okay? But on the off chance something happens, I want a better goodbye than that.” A smirk graced his features and he bent his head to place his lips against hers in a lingering kiss. She deepened it quickly and the kiss became more desperate, neither of them being able to get enough of the other. They only broke apart when a throat was cleared very deliberately beside them. They pulled away slowly to find Nik and Michelle wearing identical shit-eating grins.

“So, Wing Leader what was that about standing by in our fighters?” Nik raised an eyebrow at the couple before him.

“We were getting to that.” Ezra just rolled his eyes at the other boy before he pressed his lips quickly to (Y/N)’s forehead and dragged a still-smirking Nik away to their own fighter.

(Y/N) turned to her friend and gunner with an uncontainable grin on her face. Michelle squealed with glee at her friend finally getting her man and engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug before they both took their places in the Chimera and started up their systems.

“Okay, is this thing on? Everyone reading me?” Kady’s voice came through the radio. Hanna, Nik, Ezra, Ella, (Y/N), Michelle, and AIDAN all responded with various phrases of affirmation before Kady spoke again.

_“All right, we still haven’t heard anything from Asha or her crew on the ground, so we’re proceeding with the assault unless we hear reason not to. I’m going to keep this channel open during the attack. Just for us. Ella, AIDAN, and I are all listening. Anyone needs anything, sing out.”_

“And please, I beg of you, no flirting on this channel. Cuz, blondie, babyface, (Y/N), I’m looking at you.” Ella chimed in when Kady had finished.

“Hey! How come (Y/N) doesn’t get a stupid nickname?” Nik’s offended voice greeted them all next.

“Because I like her more than the rest of you.”

“Understandable.”

(Y/N) and Michelle tuned out of the conversation to finish checking their systems while the others discussed some food place they should visit after they got through this. They heard the good lucks before the channel went silent as everyone returned to their tasks. With the systems checks done, (Y/N) and Michelle sat in silence to await further orders. Both trying to calm their nerves and savour what could be their last moments of safety.

5 minutes or so passed before they finally received orders from Ezra to prep for launch and (Y/N) readied herself to fly out into the void.

“You ready for this Michelle?”

“As I’ll ever be. Come on, let’s make these Bei-Tech bastards pay.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

Cheers went up from the Colony ground troops as the Chimera group bombed the Geeball field, taking out Bei-Tech troops left and right. The air assault had helped even the odds for them and thrown Bei-Tech into chaos.

(Y/N) was focused on giving Michelle as many shots at destruction as possible, flying with a precision worthy of any fully trained pilot. Together they were a well-oiled machine, raining down a constant stream of destruction.

“Chimera group watch out, Bei-Tech Warlocks incoming.” Ezra’s voice came through the assault radio channel.

“Copy that Wing Leader, taking evasive action.” (Y/N) turns sharply upwards, switching Michelle’s target from the ground to the incoming enemy fighters.

“Alright Michelle, give ‘em hell!”

The two worked in perfect synch, (Y/N) creating countless openings for her gunner while evading fire from the others. The Warlocks began to fall to their perfectly aimed missiles and both girls let out cheers at every hit. The other fighters weren’t doing too badly either.

“(Y/N), we’ve got a Warlock on our ass, can we get a little help?”

“We’re coming Ez, hold on!” She spun her Chimera round and raced towards his, Michelle lining up her shot on the Warlock and finally blasting it out of the sky seconds before it locked onto their leader.

“Thanks guys, we owe ya!”

“Well you can show (Y/N) your appreciation later. Alone. She can have my share as well.” (Y/N) could sense Michelle winking behind her as Nik’s laugh came through the radio.

“Yes! Babyface is finally gonna get some!”

“Okay guys can we focus please?” Ezra managed to make his voice exasperated despite his urge to laugh at his friends’ antics.

“Right, yeah, the sooner we deal with these bastards the sooner (Y/N) get’s some sweet Ezra lovin’.”

“SHUT UP AND SHOOT NIK!” (Y/N) and Ezra yelled in unison as more Warlocks swarmed towards them.

“Shit! Okay, on it.”

They all refocused on the battle, desperately evading yet more fighters and taking out as many as they could manage.

“FUCK! GET OFF MY ASS YOU BASTARD!” (Y/N) tried every manoeuvre she could to lose the Warlock but nothing was working, “Michelle can you get him!?”

“I CAN’T GET A LOCK!”

“EZ!? NIK!? ANYONE!? WE NEED HELP! We’ve got one on our tail and I can’t shake him!”

“We’re coming (Y/N/N)!”

“SHIT SHIT SHIT. THEY’VE LOCKED ONTO US!” She tried one last ditch attempt at shaking off the fighter but it was all in vain. “Ez, I can’t get rid off him! I’m sorry, I know I promised you…I’m sorry!”

“(Y/N) NO! WE’RE COMING! JUST HOLD ON!” With tears streaming down his face he pushed his Chimera as hard as he could, Nik lining up his shot for when they were in range.

“Ez, you’re too far away! We’re not gonna make it!” Her own tears clouded her vision but she kept doing her best to buy more time, flying nearly blind as panic and fear took over. The Warlock fired.

“Ez, I love-“ Her voice was cut off by radio static as the missile ripped through the Chimera and transformed it into a ball of fire.

“NOOO!” Ezra’s heartbroken scream tore through the air and across the radios. Everyone remained silent in the wake of the loss, even Nik had the sense not to say anything, just focused on targeting the fighter who’d killed his friend. Rage contorted both boys faces as they tore towards the Warlock and fired on it, blowing it to pieces in a grief-fuelled act of revenge.

“Ezra…can you hear me?” Kady’s voice came through their radio, quiet but urgent.

“Yeah, we can hear you, what’s up?” Nik answered her as Ezra was still too lost in his grief to talk. The pilot paid no attention to the conversation as he struggled to process the fact that he’d lost (Y/N). He’d only just got her and now she was gone. The pain threatened to overwhelm him and he lost concentration just long enough to get a Warlock on his tail.

“SHIT, EZRA! GET HIM OFF US!” Nik snapped him back to reality and he immediately started evasive action.

“FUCKING HELL! I CAN’T SHAKE HIM! Garcia can you assist!?”

“GUYS! GUYS ARE YOU OKAY!?” Kady started shouting down the radio.

“Hold on! We need to get rid of him then we’ll come and support you up there.” Nik spoke as Ezra put all his focus into trying to shake the fighter off.

_“I can’t shake him!”_

_“MASON, HE’S GOT US LOCKED!”_

_“I CAN’T SHAKE HIM!”_

“NIK! EZRA!

There was no reply. The Warlock’s missile tore through the Chimera and Kady was left on the bridge staring at the flashing readout.

CHIMERA_01 = DESTROYED

She sunk to her knees, staring at nothing. The chaos of the bridge continued around her but it was drowned out by her grief. She’d just lost 4 of her closest friends and her mind refused to process it. Tears filled her eyes, everything had gone wrong and whoever was left would soon become more victims of Bei-Tech. The outlook was bleak and after this she didn’t even want to keep trying. Until she remembered the paper in her pocket.

She reached in and smoothed out the paper, revealing a picture and the words she’d said to Hannah: Live a life worth dying for. It ignited something inside of her and she stopped crying, eyes narrowing in fury. She had one last idea. One last chance to make this worth it. One last trick up her sleeve to make Bei-Tech pay. If they were all going to die, she was going to make it count. For Hanna, for Ezra, Nik, Michelle, and (Y/N), for everyone Bei-Tech has killed and everyone they would kill to get what they wanted. She was ready to finish it.

***********

“ _You mocked me. All of you. You mocked. ‘you know you’re flying in space, right?’ who’s laughing now, babyface?_ ”

 _“I told you not to call me that._ ” Ezra groaned as he sat up in the snow.

 _“Yeah, I know, I’m fucking incorrigible._ ” Nik grinned and gathered up his parachute, “you’re welcome for saving your ass by the way.”

“Yeah thanks, chum.” His elation at being alive suddenly dropped as he remembered someone who wasn’t. (Y/N). Nik noticed his mood change and the grin slipped from his face.

“Hey, mate, don’t give up hope yet. We survived, maybe they did too.” Even as he said it he knew it was unlikely. If the girls had survived the destruction, they’d still had a long fall, the impact would have killed them.

“Maybe…” Ezra wasn’t convinced but he pretended to be comforted and got to his feet, “come on, let’s go find the rebels.”

The trek back to the town took them 10 minutes. The fighting had wrapped up by then and the Bei-Tech troops had surrendered. They wandered around, trying to find someone in charge to talk to when they came across the wreckage of a Chimera. (Y/N)’s Chimera. Ezra froze. His breathing came heavier and his eyes were glued to the smoking wreck.

“Ezra!” Asha yelled over to the two boys but neither looked up even as she walked up and stopped beside them.

“…(Y/N),” her name was little more than an exhaled breath from Ezra’s lips as the tears building in his eyes finally spilled down his cheeks. He took a shaky step forward and was suddenly stumbling across the few feet separating him from the wreck. Falling to his knees he leaned into the Chimera and looked around for any sign of the girl. She wasn’t there. Michelle was. The gunner was bleeding and unconscious but she was breathing. She’d survived. Somehow.

“Asha, get some help! Michelle’s injured but she’s alive.” Hope had flooded through Ezra again. (Y/N) wasn’t there, but if Michelle had survived then maybe, just maybe, she had too. “Nik, we’ve got to find (Y/N).” The other boy nodded and they both set off to start searching the surrounding buildings.

3 streets and 5 minutes later they found (Y/N). She was laying in a pile of rubble and ripped metal, her body broken and twisted in unnatural ways. The blood was everywhere, leaving a trail of scarlet across the stone and soaking into the snow surrounding her. Ezra’s breath caught in his throat and he swore his heart stopped as he looked at the scene, at the metal protruding from her body. He raced forward, dropping down beside her and feeling for breath or a heartbeat with shaking hands. More tears filled his eyes as he looked pleadingly into her glassy ones, begging her to give him some sign of life. Then he felt it. The faintest brush of breath over his fingers. The tiniest flutter of a pulse at her wrist. He let out a cry of relief.

“NIK! GET HELP! QUICK! She’s Alive! Fuck! She’s alive!” Nik ran off immediately, shouting at the top of his lungs for anyone to help. “Come on (Y/N), stay with me. Just hold on. You’re gonna be okay. Shit. I can’t believe you’re alive. You’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive…”

He kept repeating it, more to remind himself than anything else, as he stroked the girl’s hair back from her face. Soon a group of people joined him beside (Y/N)’s body, most of them medics who immediately got to work freeing her from the rubble and metal. She was lifted onto a stretcher and Ezra walked silently beside her as she was taken back to the makeshift base. She was taken away from him when they got there and he was left alone to deal with the emotional storm inside of him. The relief which had flooded his body at finding (Y/N) alive was fading and worry clawed at him. Not knowing what was going on, if they could save her, was killing him. For the next 5 hours he alternated between pacing around the room, screaming in frustration, and fidgeting nervously when he tried to sit and relax.

Finally, when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, a medic came through the door to give him news on (Y/N)’s condition.

“How is she?” he asked and held his breath as he waited for an answer.

“She’s stable. She’s in a coma and we don’t know when she’ll wake up, not for a while at least, but that’s the safest thing for her recovery. We think she’ll live but…,” the medic paused, trying to decide how to break the bad news, “okay I’m going to be honest and this might be hard to hear, there’s a chance she might not wake up at all and there may be many more complications. She lost a lot of blood and it deprived her brain for a while, until she’s conscious we won’t know just how bad any of the damage is. She also broke most of her bones. They’re all set but what kind of movement she’ll be able to regain we just don’t know.” Ezra flopped into a seat, gaze unfocused as he tried to process everything. “We’ve done all we can for now and she seems to be doing well. That she survived at all is incredible. She’s a fighter that one. I think she can pull through, just…don’t get your hopes up too much, okay?”

He nodded numbly, “Can…can I see her?” his voice had gotten hoarse from crying and disuse and the question was little more than a rasping breath as he looked pleadingly at the medic.

“I don’t see why not, come this way.” The medic led him down the hall and into the temporary hospital space. He walked along the rows of cots, passing a number of people he knew including Michelle who was crying with her boyfriend as he held her in his arms. Until he finally reached her bed. He choked back a sob as he saw her. Bandages covered most of her body and her skin was washed out and clammy. She looked so fragile and weak, such a contrast to the girl he’d come to know. It hurt to see her like that.

Yet again tears clouded his vision as he made his way to her side, his hand reaching to gently hold her own. He entwined their fingers and leaned over to brush his lips against her forehead before sitting down beside her and breaking down. Sobs tore through his body as everything finally came crashing down upon him. All the pain and grief from the last few hours being released and flooding through his body as his tears streamed down his face and dripped onto her hand in his own.

 _If only I’d got there sooner_ , the thought plagued his mind as he looked down at (Y/N)’s broken body,  _maybe I could have stopped this_. He couldn’t have and in the back of his mind he knew that but seeing her like this, he couldn’t stop thinking that he should have done more.

************

Days passed and Ezra hardly moved from (Y/N)’s side. She hadn’t woken yet but the medics still seemed hopeful. Kady, Nik, Michelle, and Hannah had all come to visit a few times and it was clear they were less optimistic about her recovery, but Ezra wouldn’t give up hope.

The steady, rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor became his lifeline, his constant companion and a reminder that she was still alive. It kept him sane in the long hours while he waited for her to wake. It was his salvation and his doom.

He was holding her hand tightly, whispering “ _I love you_ ”s and pleas for her to wake up again, when it happened. For days he had hung onto hope through that sound alone and when it stopped he felt himself shatter. The piercing buzz of (Y/N) flat-lining overwhelmed his senses and for a split-second his body froze.

“NOOOO!” he screamed out as he leapt to his feet and moved to clutch the girl’s body to him. Several medics rushed over and he was pulled away as they tried desperately to restart her heart.

He fell to his knees only feet away and stared in unblinking horror at the events unfolding before him. The shouts of the medics and the harsh sounds of medical equipment faded to white noise around him as he could focus on nothing but the face of his love as she slipped away from him and he couldn’t do a thing to help her.

After some time, the medics moved away from her bed, their efforts to save her having not been enough, but still Ezra couldn’t move. He felt a hand rest gently on his shoulder and the presence of other people around him, but he couldn’t concentrate hard enough on anything to work out who they were or what they were saying to him. He didn’t even care. All he cared about was (Y/N), and the fact that she was gone. He had to go to her. To say goodbye while he had the chance.

With a sudden burst of energy, he pushed himself to his feet and forced his legs to carry him to her side. His whole body was trembling as he looked down at hers. He could almost convince himself she was sleeping as the pallor of death had yet to set in. For a while he simply stared, savouring what would be the last time he’d see her. Then, he leaned down very slowly, bringing one shaking hand up to her cheek as he softly pressed his lips against her skin one last time. He screwed shut his eyes and let his tears flow freely down his face and onto hers as he stayed there for what felt like a lifetime.

“I love you (Y/N),” he breathed against her skin, “so much. I will always, always love you. I’ll love you until the stars burn out and we’re nothing more than dust and I’ll love you even after that.” His voice was shaky as he spoke and sobs started to wrack his body again as he thought of life without her.

With nothing left he could say or do, Ezra sunk down to the floor and let his grief engulf him.


End file.
